Monday, 1 June 2009

Tam The Terrible


Tam The Terrible

Twas the very last day in the merry month of May and a Sunday that will not soon be forgotten that those that took part in the following misadventure.
Beltane Tamerlane, or Tam the Terrible as she is affectionately, or otherwise known to her acquaintances, was lying calmly in her cage den, day dreaming of being let loose in a supermarket for a couple of hours to let loose in an orgy of packet ripping, face filling and territory marking in every aisle. Dad had gone off to work to earn a few extra pennies in these heaven forsaken days if economic crisis, not that Tam knew anything about fiscal policies or where her dinners came from, she just knew, that eating was good and Dad kept her belly from rumbling.
Well, when Faith got up, feeling not at all well, she failed to notice that Tam’s cage door was not fastened and had sadly assumed otherwise and so, without locking the gate shut on the dining room entrance proceeded to open the front door, an omission that failed to go unnoticed by you know Who!... Ho Ho thought Tam or maybe Wo Wo in doggy lingo, time for some mischief and with that, like the proverbial rat up a drain pipe, Tam was through the door and away practically knocking faith on her rump as she passed.
Well thought Faith, what do I do now? She knew that she had no chance of catching the Terrible one what with the pain in her legs and her tummy as she watched in despair as Tam whizzed around the block no less than three times, flashing past the garden entrance lickety split, tongue lolling out behind her like a chap business man’s tie and doggedly (what else?) ignoring any and all pleas to get back into the house.

Well, less than two hours into his overtime shift and Dad got the email to inform him that Tam was out and on the rampage, the colour drained from his face as he rapidly closed down his computer and left work losing not only £100 worth of overtime but gaining a month’s ban from doing any more extra hours….Tam would be on rations for this for sure!
Well back at home Faith was doing her best to lure Tam back to base but by now she had grown tired and presumably dizzy from running incessantly around the block and had decided to visit the nearby park instead, no doubt hoping to find some children to terrorise with her wolf like appearance and woe betide any that she caught, she would lick them senseless with smelly doggy kisses!
Despite taking Alice dog with her to try and coax Tam in she just continued to run around like a wild dervish and if she had a thumb if would, without doubt, have been firmly planted on the end of her cold wet nose.
So poor Faith could think of nothing more to do as Tam decided to exit the park in search of more hell raising than to try and enlist the help of the local constabulary and so painfully did she hobble the half mile to the cop shop cursing The Terrible Tam with every painful step she took. Now as per usual, the boys in the blue were about as much use a chocolate fire guard and Faith eventually limped home wondering why she had bothered going there in the first place, never a policeman around when you need one and not much flipping use anyway when they are
Meanwhile Dad was driving home from work, imagining all sorts of catastrophic things when to his utter surprise he saw Tam running down on the opposite side of the road about 4 miles from home. Winding down the window he shouted Tam’s name and amazingly for once in her life she stopped and obeyed, I guess she must have been tired by now. Dad pulled over to the other side of the road nearly getting a car parked in his rear end in the process.

Tam in true Tam style ran straight across the traffic causing drivers to curse, sound their horns and shake their fists in rage and, as if nothing had happened, jumped nonchalantly into the car, OK Dad lets go home she thought I’ve had enough mischief for one morning

And that ‘s it folks, now you know why Faith has been too pooped to sew today and Tam says Hey! What’s all the fuss about as she turns over and goes back to sleep, she is so sweet and innocent when she is asleep, but you don’t know what the rogue is thinking about do you?..........

5 comments:

Beena said...

Your lovable Tam sounds like quite the terror, putting you through such an ordeal! Your day sounds as if it went as bad as mine! You think we'll ever get our swap quilts finished with these kinds of happenings in our lives? (laughing)
I hope Tam doesn't pull this kind of stuff all the time on you...what an ordeal!

Jenny said...

Oh dear, sounds like an eventful day...

mamaspark said...

OMG this sounds so much like Laxy! I HATE it when she escapes. They run just out of your reach and then look back to see if you are chasing them. Soooo frustrating!!

Dolores said...

Ohhh, I feel so sorry for you. I had a little doggy once who loved to 'escape' and I was so distraught until she was found. Glad that Tam is safe and sound after his little ordeal.

Frances said...

Any dog in possible danger gets my full attention. Very glad to have a happy ending this time. Tam ... please do take care, be less adventurous.